Battlezone Forums

Hello,

After playing a few rounds of MPI and IA on the map with the green atmosphere (forgot the name, sorry) I was inspired to write a story that I am currently working on that concludes on this map. Are any of you willing to read, critique, and feed-back to it if I post a link to its PDF here in the forums?

It is the middle story between an introduction and ending (both of which I've yet to finish) and I thought it would be pretty amazing, and will detail the evolution of the discovery of bio-metal, the Scions, and the advancement of weaponry and craft between the two factions.

As a writer, I might have a look. Just bear in mind a lot of that's been explained by the two games already

Actually, I was planning on putting in accounts from individual soldiers from both ISDF and Scion factions, thusly making it a frame narrative of sorts. I've added my own details concerning specific parts of the game (Acid Cloud mortars and their use in battle, differences between human and Scion body functions, etc.)

I don't mind what you write, I'm here to read / criticise appropriately.

AHadley wrote:I don't mind what you write, I'm here to read / criticise appropriately.

S.cavA.rmyG.en wrote:

AHadley wrote:I don't mind what you write, I'm here to read / criticise appropriately.

Something wrong with being a capable writer? Competence in the English language does not make you a geek. I am simply interested in reading what he has to write.

Here is a segment from the story that I'm proofreading.

https://5280399216868256724-a-180274477 ... edirects=0

Hope you enjoy it.

Background:

The protagonist, Isaac "Solace" Manson, is the nephew of the late Major Manson. Lt. Simms broke off after Shabayev's death to join Isaac's cohort, who was also his best friend back on Earth. (More details about this in the full story next week.)

The final battle to control the Scion's biometal obtainment efforts to build a new Power Crystal takes place between a minor batallion of ISDF soldiers and Scions on a small planet called Sacrosanct, so called because it contains a defiled Scion temple. The planet's atmosphere has been heavily contaminated with greenish radioactive gases that were released when Scion troops ruptured underground reservoirs in order to hinder the ISDF's efforts. (Scions themselves were naturally resistant to radiation.) Prior to arrival on Sacrosanct, all ISDF ships were outfitted with dosimeters that measured the radioactivity they were exposed to. Shortly before the radiation dose reached a "threshold," the ships had to be driven back to decontamination chambers in the ISDF base to be purified, otherwise the ships themselves would become radioactive and too hazardous to use. (More to explain, will be told in the full story)

AHadley wrote:I don't mind what you write, I'm here to read / criticise appropriately.

A small segment of my writing is now available. Please critique accordingly!

This post is as good as dead, but if anyone's still interested, the story should be available by next week. Peace.

Page is invalid, apparently.

I also intend to start writing some supporting fiction for the various minor characters introduced in FE (Alice, Justin Singh, etc.).

An ero novel perhaps?

Haha! Not a chance, don't you worry.

Only mentioned Alice by first name only because I don't remember her surname. Think she was a Captain though. Justin Singh is the guy who writes the angry letters telling you you're going to get executed by superheated plasma injection or thrown out of an airlock someplace. Nothing to suggest they know each other

Also, Forgotten Games:

If you are talking about this story taking place on teh nuclear wasteland map in stock IA, there is already a planet for that listed on BZcomplex, I beleive it is a different name from yours and has a different backstory, though considering this is fannon you can do what you want. Also, in regards to the Scion temple, I would beleive that while the Scions revere Cthonian temples and relics, that they probably retain their Earth based religions: ie Christianity, Buddhism etc.

Unless by temple you are inferring the Scions are Jewish........

Is it on BZComplex? Would surprise me. Who knows, anyone can edit that, but no one really does but AHadley.